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A definitive Hip Hop survey putting your ass and class in check

brought to you by Mathologist

If you've been in this game long enough you've probably heard some of the same things we have. "Hip Hop is not just music, it's a lifestyle." Which lifestyle, I'm not exactly sure of and neither are you. Do you wish it could go back to the days when Native Tongue and cheek kept everyone nice and positive? Does your thugged out collection of music keep you ice grilled and your gat cocked? Are you too busy counting your Benjamins to realize what lifestyle you're livin'? Who's to say what the definitive Hip Hop lifestyle is? Relax, we've thrown together a little quiz for you to figure out where you fit into the nut grabbin', cypher flowin', one stackin' scheme of things. I know what youčre thinking, "Who is you to be asking me questions anyway?" Rest assusered this will put to rest any confusion you've had over which car to drive, what watch to wear, or how to dress yourself. So roll a blunt, crack a brew, and get your hair braided while we tell you who you are.
1) Once you've finally gotten to the front of the line for the club the doorman tells you and your boys that there is a dress code that doesn't allow sneakers and jeans and that you aren't even on the guestlist. You...
a) Tell the doorman there must be some mistake and ask for "Hector", all the while casually looking down on the clipboard for another name to tell him. "Oy yeah, sometimes I go by the name 'C-Cipher'. Can you check that?"
b) Put your arm around the doorman while hushing him with "no, no, come on, there must be something we can work out," while palming either a 20 sack or 20 dollar bill. "Maybe we're under the name Jackson."
c) Say "Fuck that!" you never wait in line in the first place. Then storm the door claiming you're with the DJ and he needs the records that you have in your hands. "I got to get these inside, I'm late!"
2) Mom's just won't get off your back about getting a jobby-job. "It ain't all about whips and chicken heads, you need to get out there and start politicking." You...
a) Assure her that you're handling yours and continue to hustle. Your demo is bound to blow up soon anyway.
b) Inform her that you just sold a beat to L.L. Cool J and that you're movin' out next month.
c) Tell her about the applications you dropped off at the local coffee shop and the volunteer work you've done boycotting overseas child labor.
3) At the liqour store you realize you only have two dollars on you, do you...
a) Buy a lottery ticket and cross your fingers?
b) Get a 22 of malt liquor and rack the blunts?
c) Put it on the Platinum card?
4) While talking to your friend from Silverlake you mention the new girl you've been seeing. He tells you how he and Tyrone, "ran a train on that bitch." You...
a) Laugh, roll a blunt, get the camcorder ready and call that trick over.
b) Try and convince him it's a different girl and keep it on the DL. Hey, " the past is the past".
c) Pull out the black book, stretch the game out and x her name out. "Damn, I need a Tuesday replacement.
5) At the latest B-boy funtion you run into an old acquaintance. During the conversation a few other heads start to surround you and without warning, a cypher forms and a freestyling session begins. You...
a) Give everyone a quick pound and bounce before anyone sees you.
b) Stick it out by bobbing your head and yelling "Whoooo!" with one hand over your mouth at the appropriate moments.
c) Start thinking of battle raps quick before your turn comes and bust a hostile flow to let everyone know you're ill-legitimate.
6) It's your birthday and Aunt Emma broke you off with a $20 gift certificate at Tower Records. You...
a) Look, unsuccessfully, for that new Abstract Tribe Unique CD and end up getting Pharoahe Monch's solo joint and complain to the worker, "It's too bad about Tribe."
b) Buy the latest issue of Cigar Magazine and the Belly DVD.
c) Trade that gift certificate for a twenty sack and keep looking for that Mobb Deep MP3.
7) The end of the millenium is around the corner. On Dec. 31, you'll be...
a) Safe in your underground shelter with food, water and your CD player for emergencies. "Everything is Y2K compatible."
b) Sippin' Cristal at Club 360 toasting the night away.
c) In the streets looking for a chance to get a new a TV and capitalize on the millenial looting.
8) Your Homie calls you two blocks from Broadway claiming he's in a tight situation. It was a brown Datsun that got him and nobody in your Hood got one.
a) Tell him that whatever they took is replaceable and not to worry. You'll take him to Tito and get him another medallion first thing in the morning.
b) Tell him to apply pressure to the wound, take deep breaths and assure him that the ambulance you called is on its way.
c) Tell him you and the rest of the boys will be there in a sec. Hop in the MPV and begin the hunt down.
9) You got a call from a girl you used to hit 2 years ago. She says she's not with her baby's daddy anymore and that she's home all alone. You...
a) Grab a pack of Jim-hats, hit the road and bring a bottle of Moet.
b) Think it might be a setup and bring your crew with you, then tell them to wait outside until you give them the signal.
c) Kindly refuse. A single mother is a precious institution and you're not ready for an instant family.
10) Complete this line "It's like ________ when I _________"
a) 25 to Life, live so trife
b) The Player's Ball, sip Cristal
c) trigonometry, calculate thee